top of page
Read my published humor and satire articles:
McSweeney's Internet Tendency
It Was Hard To Start This New Business With The Millions I Made From My Previous Business
Are You There God? It's Me, Moses
Marie Kondo Edits Her Best Seller--The Life-Changing Magic Of (Tidying Up) Having Kids
Are You Watching Election Night Coverage Or Preparing For A Colonoscopy?
What We Can And Can't Confirm About Your Upcoming Flight
And On The Twelfth Day Of The Seventh Month, Thou Shalt Observe An Amazon Prime Day
We Are Sending An Obscene Amount Of Stuff Home With Your Child On The Last Day Of School
Points In Case
I'm looking for a whole lot of specific recommendations from this local Facebook group
Judah Maccabee, M.D.--No, Not That Maccabee
Join My WhatsApp Group For Unnecessary Updates On Our Kids' School Bus Route
So I Hear You Know Photoshop
Once I Uncurl Your Tresses, You Will Be the Prettiest Maiden in the Land
Yes, I Replaced the Portico Columns with Colossal Pencils in Preparation for the First Day of School Photoshoot
Neighbor, I See Your Little Watering Hose and Raise You This Mighty Power-Washing Wand
Slackjaw
I’m Planning You The Best Mother’s Day Ever, But I Need You To Be Super Involved
WeightWatchers® Introduces PersonalPassoverPoints® Which GuaranteesConfusion® For OneWeekPlus®
Hemingway’s The Snows Of Kilimanjaro During Peak Ski Season
Welcome to our very accepting gym where you will only feel comfortable if you are already in shape
We’re Coming For Christmas And We Just Have A Few Small Requests
The Perfect Time To Recount My Daughter’s Birth Story In Gory Detail Is While You’re Racing Against The Clock Trying To Stuff A Turkey
Hemingway’s Mr. & Mrs. Elliot Try To Conceive While Vacationing In The Bahamas
Fictional Villains Leave Instacart Instructions For Their Shoppers
We Don’t Care How Shady This Airbnb Listing Is, We Just Need A Place To Crash This Holiday Weekend
Van Gogh Applies To Teach Arts & Crafts At His Local Preschool
10 Fancy Breakfasts For Busy Moms On Mother’s Day
15 Perfectly Good Reasons You Had For “Poking The Bear”
I’m Setting Up A Sick Nacho Grazing Table For My Super Bowl Party And You’re Invited To Partake Of My Bounty
Google Results For When You Type “DuckDuckGo” Into The Search Bar
Son, For Christmas, I’m Going To Teach You How To Become The Hot Wheels® Monster Trucks T-Rex Volcano Arena
Maslow’s Hierarchy Of Weed
We Apologize For The Lack Of Ghosts On Our Walking Ghost Tour​
Celebrity Showering Algorithm Chart
Hemingway On Summer Homework
Blazing Hookup And Other Roller Coasters To Ride This Summer
The Belladonna
Dr. Seuss’s Oh! The Places You’ll Go With A Newborn! (Illustrations by Marissa Maciel)
Unlike Your Bank, Our Sleep Number Mattress Promises to Keep Your Money Extra Firm, Extra Cool, and Extra Safe Forever
Daily Itinerary of Miss Havisham on Valentine’s Day
There’s Nothing Wrong With Me Showing Up Sick As A Dog Because This Isn’t Covid
We Only Posed With Guns In Our Christmas Photo Because Our Matching Pajamas Shrunk In The Wash
It’s Not a Serious Crime to Buy a Fake Vaccine Card from Me, Harry Wormwood
Look Out For My College Application Arriving Via Homing Pigeon
And Then It Came To Pass, In The Midst Of The Flood, That The Lord Said To Noah; The Rent Is Now Due
I, Your Neighbor, Rescind My Open Invitation to Join Us for a Barbecue: Do Not Come
Weekly Humorist
We at the EPA assure you this liquid is just a little spilled milk and it's nothing to cry over
I want a refund on this wedding photography package because all you did was focus on cats
How to Tell if You’re Lighting the Menorah or Gaslighting the Jewish People (cowritten)
I’m Bombarding You With Texts Before Election Day So You’ll Definitely Vote For Me
We Aren’t Coddling Our Gen Z Students, But They Think Your Class Is Too Hard, So You’re Fired
The Republican Emperors Hereby Present You With An Opportunity To Become Esteemed Gladiators
The Book of Exodus Amended to Include Laxatives
12 Festive Ways To Fire A Whole Bunch Of Employees Right Before Christmas
Everything On This Thanksgiving Table Is Made From Goldfish® Crackers
Debuting on Broadband: The Book of Zuckerberg (cowritten)
Robot Butt
I, Luke Skywalker, Stand Squarely Behind My Decision to Pull the Jedi Out of Coruscant as Your Planet Is Overtaken by the Empire
We Will Only Grant Your Missing Daughter a News Segment If She Magically Turns Into a Lobster After Spending Time in the Sun
Jane Austen's Wastebasket
Edgar Allan Poe’s The Bells of Amazon
I, the Brilliant Henry David Thoreau, Am Attempting to Build a House on Walden Pond Today
The Daily Drunk
I’m a termite, you’re a cicada, and I’m going to acquire you because you’re encroaching on my territory
I‘m Ashley Olsen and FYI, fools: I wasn’t carrying a machete. It was a bag from my elite fashion line, The Row
Little Old Lady Comedy
Dorothy, We Are Unable To Approve Your Request To Continue Working From Oz
Limited Series: Andrew Zimmern’s Bizarre Foods Made Possible By Asshole Pet Owners
Greener Pastures
Aesop Presents: A Donkey, an Elephant, and a Manchin
Frazzled
Mommy's driving an extra thirty miles just for the pleasure of curbside pickup
Danny Tanner’s Warm, Fuzzy Messages For Mischievous Toddlers
Our Family’s Dreidel Game Is Nothing Like Squid Game
A Geriatric Millennial Journals Her Geriatric Pregnancy
Children, Please Join Me for a Press Conference Regarding Tonight’s Dinner
2 Ho Ho Hos (Seasonal Holiday Satire)
I, Joe Manchin, Have Tried Everything Humanly Possible To Understand Why I Should Support A Better Health Care System For Your Grandma Right Before Christmas
bottom of page